.. if compassion is natural human emotion
.. why is it missing in few people
..can it be learned or unlearned
Sometimes I wonder..
.. What amount of sensitivity and compassion is good
..Am I more sensitive for the job that I am in
Sometimes I wonder..
Why is the right thing to do , is not always the right thing to do.
This Saturday is Rakhi (Raksha Bandhan) , a festival that celebrates the bond of love between brothers and sisters and cousins 🙂
For the first time all 3 of us will celebrate it alone , with none of our brother / sister / cousin around.
Needless to say they will all be missed and will be in our thoughts!
Happy Raksha Bandan folks !
Yesterday was a significant day in my life. It changed. A change that was thought about n number of times , but I never had agreed to step in that direction, I never had the guts or REAL will.
Things change in IT industry as fast as they can. And so they changed. Our office decided to let go a LOT of employees due to change in their strategy. I would not get in details about the company or strategy on my personal blog , but only what it means for me. It means that my last working day will be in June.
And so there I take a break from my professional life. Yeah , something I thought n number of times but never really did. Never really did because , I could never really imagine myself in a SAHM role (with due respect to all the SAHMs in the world). I have always seen myself as a working mumma. Even when I was not a mumma and I was not working ,in my dreams always pictured myself like that. And I do not know the WHY for this.
So its a big change for me , may be a good one too , only thing is I would need to learn to like it. Wish me luck !
PS : I know some of you might say , I have enough time to switch to a new job. Yeah , thats true , thats what most of my colleagues would do. But somehow certain (good!!) things in my personal life do not allow me to do that at this point in time. The change is so perfectly timed , you see!
I do not know how this post will be taken by everyone , especially by women. I know what others wear is none of my business. I know what IHM says is true that a woman should be able to decide what she wants to wear and should wear whatver she is comfortable with. And yet I am writing this.I almost fumed twice at 2 different women at the choice of their T-shirts at public places.
A women in a government office , in a queue , with heavy bust and T shirt which said “Squeeze me”.
Another one in a public gym with a T-shirt which had 2 big humps (speed breakers) at the most apt place and it read , “Careful , bumps ahead”.
What are these women trying to say. That they don’t care. Or that they are modern. Or that they are feminist ?
Personally I do not feel that it was sensible dressing. I think what we wear should be our choice and decision. But as adults we should be responsible with our dressing. We should wear whats apt for a situation , venue and occasion. Just saying that its my will and being rebellious will not change the things. I did a post sometime back against having dress code in offices , because I feel as responsible adults we should be able to decide that ourselves. Wearing appropriate clothes at appropriate places and carrying sensibily what we are wearing , will only enhance our femininity.
Okay done ..now go on ..ready for your bashing.
How much of your personal life do you discuss in office ?
Do you crib about certain family members / issues at work ?
Do you talk about your/family member’s wedding proposals in detail ?
Do you talk about the talks/fights/Issues/expectations between you and your partner ?
Do you talk about the antics of your kids ?
Do you share stories/pictures about you vacations ?
And whom do you share , if you do ?
With people who you consider friends and would like to be in contact even when you move jobs.
With team members / lunch partners who you just call friends.
I do talk about antics of my son and share pictures of my vacation with colleagues who ask or show interest in the same.
I do not share family issues / had not shared wedding proposals with anyone at work , even when I consider them friends.
I cannot think of talking about things between me and my partner to anyone in the world , except 1-2 people whom I consider my lifetime friends (and who are not at work) and that too in rare cirumstances.
But I have seen people doing all of the above. And so I wonder how different I am.
Does your spouse call you during his/her day ?
Mine does and so do I. Whenever we need , we call each other and talk about ..whatever ..whats happening in offices , what is the plan for evening /weekend , what is happening with Aryan, What did my mom say over phone ..whatever ..but we talk ..everyday …atleast once. Sometimes our talks last for only 30 seconds and sometimes 5 minutes or so, depending upon how we are placed at work.
Do you think its unusual ? I don’t think so. But one of my colleague does. He saw me talking to my spouse and asked if that was my Mom. When I told , no it was husband , his response was “WOW”. I said , “why WOW ? ” and there was another question , “he calls you everyday ?” , I said the obvious and he goes “Great !!!!”. Confused I asked , whats so great about it and he says , that he finds time to talk to you !!!
Now , first of all , not “HE” , “WE” find time to talk to each other. Second , we never really make any effort to find time to talk , it comes naturally to us. I look upto him when I have anything to talk and so does he. Its how we are. Its how I think all couples should be.
The colleague , is middle aged , married for long person. But he found it extraordinary.
Another friend of mine told me once that she and her husband hardly talk after they get home. She told that most of the time husband is busy with newspaper , while she takes care of house and kids. And at night too , she sleeps with the kids while husband , gets to bed late. And they are a happy couple. To me this is what is strange. How can you live with a person without a heartful talk. I feel stressed unless I tell my husband everything important that happened during the day. Having his point of view makes me feel relaxed. And I believe he sails in same boat.
Is this unusual ? How is it with you ?
One of my friend joined a new company and the new company has a dress code for employees.
But thats not it , the dress code is a one page document with 5 bullet points for men and 5 for females and details of each and every cloth thats allowed ..You get the idea !!
Now even though the entire document looked ridiculous , what freaked me out is below :
In the female section :
“No Sleeveless, short skirts, deep-necks, body-hugging Tops/Shirts, shorts”
Can some one tell me who are they to tell a female what’s body-hugging and whats deep neck ? How will they define that ? Isn’t it the perception of individuals ? And will they employ a security guard / HR person to see who wore deep neck ????
Now another one , in both male and female section :
“Do not wear clothes which are too flashy/snazzy/colorful.”
I told my friend to show them his wardobe and ask them the definition of
Can 20-30 something men and women , professionally qualified , living in metro and working for MNC be not trusted to dress up responsibily ? Do they need a monitor to check on their nail polish and colour of socks like in schools ?
Disclaimer : This post is not against any culture or society , but about me , about us, about our generation in INDIA
When I was in school , I always had a hankerchief in my hand/pocket. It was inseperable from me. I never used to forget it. And my friends admired and adored me for being so methodical about it. Proud I used to feel. Tissue papers were rare then. We used to see them only in expensive restaurants and we never frequented such places. Expecting tissue paper at a chat shop or ice cream wala was stupidity and people like me were considered elite as we always had a hankey to wipe our leaking nose and sticky hands.
Then we grew up. I moved to bigger cities and India moved to better economy. I realized that in bigger cities no one carries a hankey in their hands /pockets. Everyone uses tissue. Most places have tissue available and even if it was not there females have tissues in their bags , wet/dry face tissues. Hankeys look so dirty and so behanji style here. And I moved to tissues within few months of this realization.
All of us have seen this transition , in one way or other. How many of us have seen tissue papers , toilet paper , paper towels , kitchen rolls in ample amounts when we were kids. How many of our mothers use them even now. How many of us were wiped with papers when we were kids , but I am sure all of us have used paper to wipe the face and bums of our kids.
We moved with the trend. Some realized it and some did not. But what we did not realized is that we moved from a better setup to worse. In the process of moving with the trend or western society we learnt to waste paper. Washable cheap hankeys were better than tissue papers and instead of being proud and saying that I use them because I want to save paper , I moved to tissue papers.
Its not just about paper though. There are so many such practices that we accquired from west recently , because they are convienent or just cool but that are bad for the society and environment.
When we were children we never saw plastic bags inside dustbins. It has plus points that its easy to clear and less messy and easily transportable. BUT , a plastic dustbin under each desk with a plastic bag in each of it and we want to make this world plastic free ????
Aryan’s school serves snacks to kids in disposable plates,hygeine they say! Wow! I wonder how can small kids handle fragile disposable plates. I think it would have been better to invest in colourful plates once and emloy 1-2 people to clean those up everyday.
In Bangalore many roadside food vendors , place a plastic sheet over the plates and serve food over that plastic. Idea is to save the effort of cleaning the plates and customers too find it hygenic. Smart !! I felt when I saw it first , while walking by one on them. I was also surprised that the plastic sheets are made affordable even to them !! On second thoughts though I don’t feel the same.
I wonder how confused we are , we as in INDIA. We want to move with the trend and become modern ..err..western. In the attempt we are loosing some of our good practices. At the same time , we are concerned about environment. We want to save paper , ban plastic and save natural resourses.
I also feel that our generation is the only generation that can make the change. We trasitioned from previous stage to this one and now we only have to step back. If we make our kids used to what we learnt for the worse , we can never hope to save paper. And we need to start today. Good that I realized this atleast today 😛
P.S : Abha did a excellent post on this long back , couldnot locate the link though
2009 was another quick year that passed by. It passed by like a night of dreams and it was morning when I just slept.
Just today I realized , how we celebrated cristmas last year for Aryan and Aryan had cut a birthday cake for Jesus. I just realized that how we planned to surprise the only Christain colleague in our team through some cake and a small xmas tree , but he never turned up that day.
And its Cristmas all over again.
Time truly flies. How was the year ? What went well ? What did we achieve ? What went worse ? Are some questions that I happen to be thinking today.
Towards the end of 2008 , I felt life to be so disheartening. I felt nothing was really working. Aryan was in the middle of his terrible twos and life was almost hell at home. I was shouting , crying and cribbing most of the times. Hubby was no different. Aryan was irritated and a brat most of the times. Both of us felt that we are terrible parents.
At work , I lost my dream opportunity. I worked towards the transition of a project with my heart and soul and when it came over , I was thrown out of it due to some politics. More so , I was not even given due credit. Recession made it tough to quit and so I decided to stick even after feeling terrible.
2009 came with hope. I decided to give life another try. Anupam and I discussed to be more patient with Aryan. To avoid shouting and refrain from hitting him unless there is a life threatening situation. We helped each other during our outbursts. Aryan’s behaviour improved , may be because he just grew up. But I would also like to believe that it improved because his parents improved their behaviour towards him…anyway ..as long as it improves ..who cares for a reason 🙂
Aryan also started his school and that was the biggest event of the year. It meant an emotional journey for our little family.
At work , I started seeing some hope again. New responsibilities were followed by a promotion. I recollected all my enthusiasm and sailed through the first 2 quarters in flying colours. Then things changed again , at a level that is way beyond my control and the last 2 quarters were again not rosy. Towards the end of the year I am again where I was towards the end of 2008 at work front, just that my title is little different.
But I learnt , 2009 made me a little better parent , a little more patient , a little more happier , a little more matured , a little more health concious , a little more young..yeah ..I feel a little more young than I felt last year ..strange na 🙂
2010 , brings lot of uncertainity , especially at work. But then it brings hope too. A hope to sailthrough. I lived through 31 new years and I survived ..touch wood …32nd cannot be different ..I trust..I know God will bless us as always !
Editted to Add : Ohh God, bless my parents with good health. They suffered a lot due to various health problems this year.
Am I doing right things as a mom ? Is Aryan getting enough attention ? Is this the right way to react in such a situation ? Should I react to his behaviour or should I let him be him and wait for some days / some time / some months ?
Some of the hundreds of questions I ask my self yearly , monthly, weekly, daily and sometimes hourly. I am sure husband does that too.
Its now and only now that I realize how difficult it is to be a parent and raise your kids into good human beings. Its now and only now I realize what my parents would have gone through to make whatever they could from me.
I know , I know , I am not a master piece but then to make a normal , average human being with a positive attitude to life , love for family and non-destructive nature is enough an effort, is what I know now.
There are days when I just give up. I feel like I cannot do more ,I cannot handle his tantrums ,or cannot take care of him , play with him etc, I need to do what I want , sleep when I want etc etc. Yeah I sound like a horrible mom ..but then this is my blog and so I am confessing..take it as you like it.
But then I know that its not possible. Its a commitment for life , forever , till I die ,I have to be a parent and I cannot be irresponsible , thats not the right God has given to parents. Kids , husbands and wives can be irresponsible at times , but not parents , coz each of their actions reflect on their kids. Since my son is quite young as of now I have afforded to me irresponsible sometimes and husband did cover for me , but it will not be possible when he grows up.
Also its only now I realize the love of parents for their kids. How I can keep loving him always, even when he hits , bites ,scratches me in anger , why do I not hate him. Had it be anyone else , I would have never forgiven him/her, but I cannot hate him more than a milisecond. Yeah , I do, (I confess again) I do get mad and hate him for a milisecond when he is a complete brat , but never more than that. I wonder how many times I would have made my parents feel like that even when I was an adult myself.
I do not know why I am writing this post , I do not know what is the point I am trying to make. What I know is that I need to be patient , a lot more patient and a lot more responsible in life. I need to be a good parent, without being stressed out about it 😛
I also need to thank my parents , for being what they have been. They may not have done an excellent job(knowing what I am,myself) , but whatever they have done is not too simple to do. (And plus perphaps they have done an excellent job but I was not good enough :-P) Thanks mummy and papa !