I do not know why I am writing this today. Today is no mother’s day or father’s day nor its their birthday. Nothing special happened today. Its just one of my usual working days.
Still suddenly I found myself thinking of those eyes. Eyes of my mom , when she saw me in my wedding attire. She held my cheeks and said that I look beautiful. But her eyes said much more. My mother , who never expresses her emotions in words. We have never heard her saying that she loves us or that she is worried about us. We have seen her like this forever and so we don’t really mind it. But that day , I saw a pair of eyes full of emotions , happiness and satisfaction.
Also that day I noticed someone who looked more beautiful than the bride. Yeah , my mom. She looked really pretty at my wedding. She got lots of compliments too. She attributed it to her makeup and hair do. Since she never goes to parlour , she said that the change made her look different and pretty. I don’t agree , she looked beautiful for she was happy, may be happier than the bride.
Thinking about those eyes , I also remembered about a man , who told me that he is blessed that he has a daughter like me. I just could not believe my ears. I have given him enough troubles. I would have disowned a daughter like myself perhaps , I thought. Still this man says he is blessed ??
What did God make parents off ? Will I be so giving/forgiving ever ? Can I be a good parent ?
the inability to be with my parents when I should be, even though I know they will be just fine even if I am not there , thanks to my brother.
And the inability to justify the above , to MYSELF.
P.S : All is well at home thankfully, I have disabled comments on this post.
Dad’s unwell. Please suggest some cardio-vascular surgeons and neurologists in delhi/NCR asap. Thanks
Am I doing right things as a mom ? Is Aryan getting enough attention ? Is this the right way to react in such a situation ? Should I react to his behaviour or should I let him be him and wait for some days / some time / some months ?
Some of the hundreds of questions I ask my self yearly , monthly, weekly, daily and sometimes hourly. I am sure husband does that too.
Its now and only now that I realize how difficult it is to be a parent and raise your kids into good human beings. Its now and only now I realize what my parents would have gone through to make whatever they could from me.
I know , I know , I am not a master piece but then to make a normal , average human being with a positive attitude to life , love for family and non-destructive nature is enough an effort, is what I know now.
There are days when I just give up. I feel like I cannot do more ,I cannot handle his tantrums ,or cannot take care of him , play with him etc, I need to do what I want , sleep when I want etc etc. Yeah I sound like a horrible mom ..but then this is my blog and so I am confessing..take it as you like it.
But then I know that its not possible. Its a commitment for life , forever , till I die ,I have to be a parent and I cannot be irresponsible , thats not the right God has given to parents. Kids , husbands and wives can be irresponsible at times , but not parents , coz each of their actions reflect on their kids. Since my son is quite young as of now I have afforded to me irresponsible sometimes and husband did cover for me , but it will not be possible when he grows up.
Also its only now I realize the love of parents for their kids. How I can keep loving him always, even when he hits , bites ,scratches me in anger , why do I not hate him. Had it be anyone else , I would have never forgiven him/her, but I cannot hate him more than a milisecond. Yeah , I do, (I confess again) I do get mad and hate him for a milisecond when he is a complete brat , but never more than that. I wonder how many times I would have made my parents feel like that even when I was an adult myself.
I do not know why I am writing this post , I do not know what is the point I am trying to make. What I know is that I need to be patient , a lot more patient and a lot more responsible in life. I need to be a good parent, without being stressed out about it 😛
I also need to thank my parents , for being what they have been. They may not have done an excellent job(knowing what I am,myself) , but whatever they have done is not too simple to do. (And plus perphaps they have done an excellent job but I was not good enough :-P) Thanks mummy and papa !
When I think of friends,
And of the oldest
Can’t think beyond two, the best.
The ones who have seen me grow,
And have stood by me in the highs and lows,
The ones who have spent those sleep less nights,
To see smile all the while,
The ones whom I have let down a thousand times,
But who say I am wonderful and nice.
The ones whom I told my deepest fears,
And the ones whom I will think of when death is near,
Do I have to say , who are they ?
I think you know and so do they.
Thanks Mummy and Papa.
P.S : I saw oldest friend on Sunday scribblings. I thought of all my friends who have been with me for long. I thought my husband , who has been by my side for 3 years. But then when you say oldest , by age or by time ..no one else qualifies 🙂
Thanks for bearing with my horribe poetry 😉