Career or kids..Every Mom’s battle..A lot and lot has been debated over the topic and a lot can still be debated and still I am not sure if we can come to a conclusion.The topic is neither new nor is it related to current generation.But its much of a debate for me because here the question is not only “if I should work or I should not” ..but more that “if I should” then how ?
The traditional “if I should or if I should not” debate was always there and I decided that I will try and work as long as I can, for many reasons.
First, I feel working gives me a sense of satisfaction.Being a home maker 24/7 is probably not my cup of tea. I believe that working ladies can also be home maker.Though ofcourse they may not be able to dust the carpets every day , they will still be able to pack lunch for their kids and serve dinner to their husbands.I feel I need some satisfaction at the end of the day which comes when I am working.I feel loving and taking care of your family comes so naturally to any woman that it hardly matters if she works or she does not.
Second, definitely I can bring a better living to my kids. Though their future is secure otherwise also , my little effort will definitely give it an extra push.
Another reason is I have realized that after few years our kid will not need us as much as they need us today. As soon as they go to school they will be busy. In their early teens they will have studies , friends and loads of other activities to keep them busy.They will need their own privacy. So they will no longer want you around 24/7 and you will start feeling empty and lonely with everyone busy in their own worlds.All you will end up will be watching 6-8 daily soaps a day.Plus you will be surprised , shocked and hurt when your 10 year old will come and tell you ,”Mom ..my teacher asked me what does your mom do ? And I said “nothing”. Why don’t you go to office like Prateek’s and Ritesh’s moms ?” I have observed that even kids feel a sense of pride in telling that their moms are working.
Though I have decided to work , I still have my set of dilemmas and questions ..like how will I cope up with work pressures and daily chores? How will I manage to be happy and fresh in front of my kids even after a day’s work? How will I make them understand that I may need to go to office on coming saturday and we have to postpone a picnic? How will I compete with my male counterparts in office and do justice to my job when I will have a different priority? There are a hundred such questions and I know only time will find answer to these.
Today I need to find answer to another question ..How do I work ?
If your parents are around you , you need not worry about taking care of your kids when you are at work.You can just hire a domestic help and parents can take care the rest. But the problem comes, when you stay in a different city away from parents. In an alien metro, you don’t feel comfortable leaving your new born with an unknown maid.Will she sleep when he needs milk or when he is crying ..will she run away locking your kid behind..will your kid learn abusive language from her..are few of the many reasons that prevent me from thinking about leaving my kid with a maid.
The other and only option I am left with is a Day Care/Creche for babies.But to my own surprise I am not able to find any satisfactory kinds even in a place like Bangalore ..where we suppose we have a good percentage of working women compared to other cities in India.Though our parents are most welcome at our place ,I cannot expect them to sacrifice their work and their lives forever for letting me work.I feel guilty about this.If I quit work today and decide to work after 3-5 years when my kids are school going and they can go to an after school day care (where I suppose we have some better options) , then will I be able to find a job. Being in knowledge industry ..I dont think it will be possible. Even if I can (which is next to impossible)..I will be far far behind my couter parts.
With so many women in IT ..I can find many of my friends are struggling with the same BIG question and many of them have chosen to giveup inspite of a strong desire for work.
I am still not sure where will I end up ..probably in a different profession is what comes to my mind ..but then, I will have another set of questions there.
Nanmun’s Online World …my experiences when I was pregnant. The journal written in baby language , say all what I felt each day and what I assumed my baby might be feeling. Nanmun ..is what I named my unseen baby then.Pregnancy and then motherhood ..It has been almost 9 months since Aryan came to this world and another 9 months since I was pregnant.
Pregnancy and motherhood ..has it changed me or my perception to life? I cannot recall since when but ,having a baby was one of my most cherished dream.It may sound silly or funny but before I dreamt of my husband ,I started dreaming of a baby. I guess it started when I was watching a movie in teenage and I saw how the herione longed for a baby and how she cherished having one after a long wait. Somehow that scene left an impression somewhere deep inside and I felt that carrying a baby in your womb and bringing it to life would be the most wonderful experience one can have.Today I can say , it indeed is !!
Plus ,it a test of your limits and to some extent your partner’s too.
Could you ever think , waiting for 9 months to see someone, just once ,when you know that the person you are waiting for , is right inside your body.. 😀 Could you ever think you can survive 16 hours of intolerable pain alone in a small cabin ? Could you ever think that you would be totally blank when your most cherished moment will finally arrive ? That You won’t know how are you supposed to react ? Could you ever think that you would be nursing a life 2 hours after it was born without your own realization ? You would be changing those dirty diapers , without feeling ugh… for a single moment ? You would survive through those sleepless nights and run your job in office ?
Could you ever imagine, your husband waking up at midnight to fetch you some bread and butter,when you are suddenly hungry ? Could you imagine him packing your lunch and snacks for office and servig you tea in bed every morning? Could you imagine him laughing and trying to make you laugh , when you are shouting and crying for no reason ? Could you imagine him calm , when after all that he does ,you suddenly tell him that you feel he doesn’t love you anymore?
I could not ..I wondered if I would survive my labour ..and I wondered how the other women successfully did ..But to my own surprise I came out in flying colours.I found my self quite calm and confident on the D day. I found that I can tolerate the intolerable.I discovered that praying to God and believing in God gives you confidence in most difficult times too. I also discovered that even my dear husband has lot of hidden strength.He could escort me during the birth and I found that just his presence mean a lot to me.
Our little wonder changed our lives. The ‘then’ care free husband and wife became parents …if was scary ..so many reponsilities….Its still scary to some extent.We are now responsible of shaping a life.His smile makes my day..he can make me smile at midnight , he can make me forget my pain , he can make us feel fresh after a 12 hours hectic day.He is our little magician.
He has given me a new set of imaginations and a new set of dreams.Now I dream of his walking , talking ,growing ,learning. Now I dream of giving him a BIG smile every single day of my life and retaining it all day long.
I dream of his beautiful tomorrow.
Yes I miss..I would lie if I say I don’t miss the honey moon period of my married life.It was so much fun..no worries , no responsibilities , no schedules…just the two of us.
I miss that…but then I do miss my childhood, I do miss my college days, I do miss staying with my parents under their love and care..so what’s big deal.Life is about moving ahead.