Whats on My Mind

Discipling kids and making them independent

I have been thinking about it from quite a while. I read poppins some time back and then I read Kiran. Am I doing right ? What more should I do and how ? And how much is enough ? How much should Aryan do at this age ? How should I train or enable him to do what he should ? I also saw a very nice TV program on doordarshan where the speaker used a phrase “age appropriate independence”. The phrase has been on my mind since then.

I know discipling kids and making them independent are two different things and I am kind of mixing them up. But there is something that relates them.

Aryan CAN do a lot of things on his own but he won’t do them , unless he feels like doing them. So though he will show off his skills every now and then , it doesnot always solve the purpose since he would anyway say “Mumma” at the drop of a hat.

For eg , he can fetch a glass of water from kitchen , which includes taking out the glass from drawer , opening and closing of tap and getting a full glass out without spilling , but he would still call me when he wants water. Though sometimes he agrees to fetch it himself.

He can bath himself , but the soap will only be over the tummy and hands.

He can wear his own clothes with perfection 99% of times , if the clothes don’t have buttons.

He can wear and take off his shoes.

He can eat with a spoon with perfection but he usually demands to be fed.

I do not expect him to do things better than the way he does now. I definitely do not expect him to wash his plate , but ofcourse i do expect him to clear the toy mess he creates , which ofcourse he knows how to do , but doesnot want to do.

Now why am I mixing all of this. According to me Aryan almost has “age appropriate independence” , which means a kid should be able to do what he is capable of at his age.

But that does not solve the trouble , even if the kid is able to do ,what if he doesnot want to do. How to handle that ?

Aryan loves to show off that he can wear his own shoes and clothes and thats great , but he doesnot love to show off that he can eat on his own. He can ofcourse keep his toys back in place , but he never wants to do that. And here comes the discipline

How do you discipline your kid ? Do you scold them to follow instruction ? Do you bribe them ? Do you let them cry ?

And its not just doing things. Its about so many other things too. For example ,having milk. He once loved milk but he has stopped having it. What do I do ? Shall I sit with a glass of milk for hours prodding him to drink. I have never forced him to eat. But milk is something thats essential. So sometimes he drinks with incentives like new mug , different glass and all that. And those times he even asks to refill , which shows that he loves it even now. But I cannot get him to drink it every day.

So the problem lies in not making them learn to do something but making it a habit. And thats where I fail. Any ideas ?