Of my memory or lack of it!

June 15, 2018 at 12:52 pm | Posted in Introspection, Memories | Leave a comment

One of my relative is writing a series on facebook, about the life he has lived. This series contains incidents from his early childhood till today. He is over 60 years of age now and I am surprised at the details he remembers.

I must have said it before that I am mighty disappointed at the kind of memory I have. That was one of the primary reasons why I took up blogging, so I do not forget important happenings in life. I am glad I did because when I read my other blog now I realise that I have already forgotten so much about my kids.

I do not remember my childhood in too much detail. When I connected to my school groups on whatsapp, I realized that I cannot put faces to names and names to faces in most cases , with the exception of some really good friends. I do not remember most teachers , seniors and juniors. I do not remember who had crush on whom (except my own ones :P) and who was dating whom. I do not even remember people from my post graduation !!

I do not remember about stuff like which was the first movie I saw in theatre and with whom , when did I first got my hands waxed and what/who was the motivation for it etc. Not that I need to remember any of this. But then these would have formed my bitter sweet memories and when someone talk about theirs , I wish I could have remembered too!

There are certain things that I do remember in detail. Like my first (perhaps only) stage performance, like when I got 7 prizes in a day, like when I saw my parents fighting for first time , like when I got my first periods , like when I fell from rickshaw , like when a boy told the teacher that he would marry me some day (in grade 1), like when I jumped from bus to match to my cool friends and fell.

I do remember all the boys I ever had crush on , even if that lasted for a day πŸ™‚ But I do not remember any stupid things that I might have done at that age to grab their attention.

I remember all the close friends from each school or college , who mattered to me at that time. But I don’t remember all the incidents /moments that I shared with them.

My son remembers a lot more detail about his childhood than I do, of his! My husband remembers more details of our courtship than I do. I read books and then forget that I have read them. I forget the stories too , though while reading them I would think that this story would stay with me forever. But very few of them have lasted with me!.

All the above often makes me wonder if I would develop dementia at old age πŸ˜› If whatever I don’t remember , is too much to be called a disease. Or are there more people like me πŸ˜› I think, I should read up on how memory is formed and why people do or do not remember certain things.

It also make me realize that if I ever write a autobiography, it would be a bland one , with no juicy details, as I am not a person who can remember details. Not that I intend to write one !


Things to do ..

January 5, 2016 at 10:49 am | Posted in Introspection | 2 Comments

..in 2016

  1. Have more patience at least with my young ones.
  2. Drink lots of water
  3. Loose LOTSΒ of weight
  4. Become more organized – Prepare for weekdays on weekends , make weekly menu etc.
  5. Learn a new professional skill and work on a professional goal
  6. Start baking
  7. Do things that give me pleasure like reading and blogging. May beΒ 1 book per month and 1 post per week

Sometimes I wonder..

December 14, 2015 at 2:43 pm | Posted in Introspection, Just Like That, Thoughts | 3 Comments

.. if compassion is natural human emotion

.. why is it missing in few people

..can it be learned or unlearned

Sometimes I wonder..

.. What amount of sensitivity and compassion is good

..Am I more sensitive for the job that I am in

Sometimes I wonder..

Why is the right thing to do , is not always the right thing to do.


Back to our roots ..for good

August 31, 2012 at 4:06 pm | Posted in Introspection, Society | 5 Comments

Sometime back I did this post about how we , this generation , has been moving from some good practices to bad ones , just in an attempt to become cool.

Today I recalled this after reading a discussion on a face book group , about cloth diapers and sanitary pads πŸ™‚

Do you remember those triangular pieces of clothes that were used before tinycare and pampers days ?

Do you remember the cotton pads between old cloth / gauze that our moms made once in a month..when carefree was unaffordable and ultrathins unimaginable ?

Those days are back for good , however this time in style. And we are soon going to adapt those practices again , coz the west has already started doing so πŸ™‚

Check out these links




Don’t they look COOL !

Temper Tantrums

July 12, 2011 at 10:32 am | Posted in Introspection, Pregnancy | 5 Comments


Yeah , its not Aryan’s. I am talking about myself. I feel suddenly I have lost my patience. I shout and cry and crib at drop of hat. I shout a lot at Aryan. I do not know if he is doing something wrong or its me who is over reacting because things were just perfect about a month back. I think it has started with July. These days whatever he does , irritates me. With a new baby coming soon, I should be more patient , especially with Aryan. Hence this loss of patience is worrying me. Aryan does his wee bit to make me feel worse. Yesterday he told me , you are always polite with baby and angry with me. When I asked , I am not even talking to baby , when did you see me being polite with baby , he came up with a 2 days old incident when the baby was really active and I had a hand on my stomach and I told the baby to sleep.

I hope things will improve. May be I am stressed about a lot of things to do in this month and months that follow and little physical strength. Hope August will make me feel better.

We, the Confused Generation

February 1, 2010 at 11:25 am | Posted in Environment, Introspection, Society, Thoughts | 27 Comments

Disclaimer : This post is not against any culture or society , but about me , about us, about our generation in INDIA

When I was in school , I always had a hankerchief in my hand/pocket. It was inseperable from me. I never used to forget it. And my friends admired and adored me for being so methodical about it. Proud I used to feel. Tissue papers were rare then. We used to see them only in expensive restaurants and we never frequented such places. Expecting tissue paper at a chat shop or ice cream wala was stupidity and people like me were considered elite as we always had a hankey to wipe our leaking nose and sticky hands.

Then we grew up. I moved to bigger cities and India moved to better economy. I realized that in bigger cities no one carries a hankey in their hands /pockets. Everyone uses tissue. Most places have tissue available and even if it was not there females have tissues in their bags , wet/dry face tissues. Hankeys look so dirty and so behanji style here. And I moved to tissues within few months of this realization.

All of us have seen this transition , in one way or other. How many of us have seen tissue papers , toilet paper , paper towels , kitchen rolls in ample amounts when we were kids. How many of our mothers use them even now. How many of us were wiped with papers when we were kids , but I am sure all of us have used paper to wipe the face and bums of our kids.

We moved with the trend. Some realized it and some did not. But what we did not realized is that we moved from a better setup to worse. In the process of moving with the trend or western society we learnt to waste paper. Washable cheap hankeys were better than tissue papers and instead of being proud and saying that I use them because I want to save paper , I moved to tissue papers.

Its not just about paper though. There are so many such practices that we accquired from west recently , because they are convienent or just cool but that are bad for the society and environment.

When we were children we never saw plastic bags inside dustbins. It has plus points that its easy to clear and less messy and easily transportable. BUT , a plastic dustbin under each desk with a plastic bag in each of it and we want to make this world plastic free ????

Aryan’s school serves snacks to kids in disposable plates,hygeine they say! Wow! I wonder how can small kids handle fragile disposable plates. I think it would have been better to invest in colourful plates once and emloy 1-2 people to clean those up everyday.

In Bangalore many roadside food vendors , place a plastic sheet over the plates and serve food over that plastic. Idea is to save the effort of cleaning the plates and customers too find it hygenic. Smart !! I felt when I saw it first , while walking by one on them. I was also surprised that the plastic sheets are made affordable even to them !! On second thoughts though I don’t feel the same.

I wonder how confused we are , we as in INDIA. We want to move with the trend and become modern ..err..western. In the attempt we are loosing some of our good practices. At the same time , we are concerned about environment. We want to save paper , ban plastic and save natural resourses.

I also feel that our generation is the only generation that can make the change. We trasitioned from previous stage to this one and now we only have to step back. If we make our kids used to what we learnt for the worse , we can never hope to save paper. And we need to start today. Good that I realized this atleast today πŸ˜›

P.S : Abha did a excellent post on this long back , couldnot locate the link though

Working where your husband , father or brother works ?

September 1, 2009 at 4:32 pm | Posted in Introspection | 37 Comments

Whats your take about working in the same company where your husband , father or brother works ?

I had a debate about the same with a colleague at lunch.My take is I don’t ever want to work in the same company for which my husband , father or brother work. And its not about men , I did not mention sister and mom because I don’t have a sister and my mom is a home maker.

I have atleast 4 reasons, though you may choose to disregard all of those like she did.

One is a simple and practical reason , if me and hubby are in same company and if the company crashes both of us will be in soup. Though this is a very pessismistic thought ..its a valid one.

Another and more important reason (atleast to me). I do not want to live like a shadow or be a shadow to someone. I want my individuality.

I graduated from a college where my father was a teacher. I was not considered “Swati” there but as “his daughter”. I was a kid to his colleagues and a “teachers daughter” to my classmates.Today I do not have any friends from graduation. And thats not my fault , since I have friends from school and from Post Graduation. But for 3 years of my graduation, I could not win any friends , except the ones that came over with me from school , since no one ever considered me a part of their life.

After my post graduation my father asked me to join his college as a faculty and I told him that I would prefer to stay at home than do that. I told him , I want to work because I want to known by who I am. I do not want to be known just by my surname. I am not sure if he got what I told , perhaps he might have thought I want independence..but frankly it was not at all about independence, I just did not want to be a kid all my life. And so I joined a different profession with my parents consent ofcourse.

Same applies to (atleast to some extent) with having husband / brother/ sister / any close relative as my colleague. I don’t want people to think I am like them , not because they are good or bad , but because they are different.

Also because I don’t want them to advice me with what I do I work , how I walk/talk/behave at work. I share every bit of my work life with my husband. He is such a good listener that he remembers every bit of it. He shares and advices also ..when I need it..yeah when I need it.He knows the things as I put them , he doesnot have his own prejudices attached to the people I talk about. So his opinion is fair and not biased by his personal prejudices.

Third is because I need a break. We all do. Life is not just me and my family
, its beyond that. And I wish to experience that too. I want a life outside my house…not as literally though as it sounds. And I do not really know how to explain this also πŸ˜›

And last but not the least , I do not want to bring office to home and take home to office. I wish to keep prfessional and personal lives seperate. I cannot imagine fighting over an office issue or person in my living room or bedroom πŸ˜‰


My colleague though said that she doesnot mind working around close family members. She would rather like a guidance and support round the clock. She would not mind taking benefits of his contacts and she would love a daily pick and drop to office.


My take on her views : We are different in so many ways πŸ™‚ May she get a life partner in this company only πŸ˜€
You are on which side ?

What was that ?

April 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm | Posted in Introspection, Just Like That, Talks about Aryan, Thoughts | 10 Comments

Yesterday we went to a store and Aryan was sitting on a strolley for he did not want to walk and I did not want to carry him. So I left him sitting on the strolley and was busy exploring some crockery near by.

It was then when 2 men just pushed the strolley ahead away from us. They just wanted to have fun teasing the kid. But Aryan as well as me got scared. Infact I got more scared than Aryan.I felt like a drop in my heart beat. I felt like shouting at them , how dare they try to scare my kid ?? But I just gave them a dirty look. I did not leave the strolley for a milisecond after that.

I know they had no bad intentions , infact they were smiling at Aryan inspite of my dirty looks later when we saw them again. But somehow I did not like it.

Now I wonder was I being over protective ? Or was it some kind of intution ? Or was it just the anger since they scared my child.

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Head to Heart – A Dialogue

July 15, 2008 at 12:26 pm | Posted in Introspection, Rant | 10 Comments

“Life is full of competition , we need to work hard to stay in competition , upgrade your skills , work hard”
“But where is the time , I need to spend time with Aryan and Anupam. I need time to relax
“You need to find time somehow , don’t give excuses”
“But my family is my responsibility. I got married and have a baby and seeing him happy is a priority”
“Yeah , and that’s why I say work hard to give him a good life , then only he can be happy”
“You mean he is not happy now”
“No I mean , you can make him happier by giving him a better life. And for that you need to work hard and keep your other interests to side.”
“Okay , you mean my time with myself , the little time and with husband.”
“You need to strike a balance and you decide how you do it. Work hard , otherwise you will lag behind your peers”
“Balance , I thought I was doing so 😦 Happiness is a state of mind is what everyone says , I think I am happy.”
“But will you stay happy forever , as of now you are successful but you will not always be called successful if you stay here.”
“True , I need to move on and evolve , But I do not know how. I cannot cut my time with family.” Head:
“Then cut your time with yourself , your sleep , your fun”
“Fun , what fun ? I don’t go out except with family , I don’t watch TV , No music , only alive hobby is my blog. Sleep , I think I need that, to feel fresh.”
“If you don’t want to change I cannot do much for you , don’t complain that I never warned you. Look at your friends , they have been working harder”
“I don’t really know at what cost but… Well , I understand all what you just said , but you know me , I cannot change so easily , please be my side.”

P.S : Why does it happen with me always. My parents are coming on friday and office will get busier from tomorrow , busier means BUSIER ..and I will have daily calls as well 😦 I may not be able to pick them up from station. I may not be able to take 1/2 day for Aryan’s Birthday also 😦
Why do I always struggle so much for small pleasures , tiny-winy kinds ???? Please let me know , if you know 😦

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