Wish it had not rained that night..

May 3, 2019 at 2:29 pm | Posted in Fiction, Poem, Rain, Rant, Society, Women | 1 Comment

It rained that night,
her eyes
her cries
her pain

It rained that night,
her wounds
on her body
on her heart

It rained that night,
with thunder
so deafening
and light
so bright

If only, it did not rain that night
May be someone, would have heard her cries
May be someone, would have seen the monster
who scarred her body
who scarred her soul
May be, May be not
But, but it rained that night

Thirty years down the line
She is scared of rain and thunder and light
Because she can still remember that night
That gross touch
The pain
The plight
And her helpless body in the lonely night

Thirty years down the line,
She is scared of talking about that night
Because she can remember the following day
The hate in words
The mock in the eyes
It was her fault is what they said

She played in the rain
She jumped in the puddles
It was her fault
Because, though its her life,
Girls don’t play with rain at night
Wish it had not rained that night

Change is the way of life

March 11, 2011 at 6:48 am | Posted in Rant, Thoughts, Work | 11 Comments

Yesterday was a significant day in my life. It changed. A change that was thought about n number of times , but I never had agreed to step in that direction, I never had the guts or REAL will.

Things change in IT industry as fast as they can. And so they changed. Our office decided to let go a LOT of employees due to change in their strategy. I would not get in details about the company or strategy on my personal blog , but only what it means for me. It means that my last working day will be in June.

And so there I take a break from my professional life. Yeah , something I thought n number of times but never really did. Never really did because , I could never really imagine myself in a SAHM role (with due respect to all the SAHMs in the world). I have always seen myself as a working mumma. Even when I was not a mumma and I was not working ,in my dreams always pictured myself like that. And I do not know the WHY for this.

So its a big change for me , may be a good one too , only thing is I would need to learn to like it. Wish me luck !

PS : I know some of you might say , I have enough time to switch to a new job. Yeah , thats true , thats what most of my colleagues would do. But somehow certain (good!!) things in my personal life do not allow me to do that at this point in time. The change is so perfectly timed , you see!

Worst on the mother’s day can be

May 11, 2009 at 10:57 am | Posted in Mom, Mothers Day, Mummy, Rant, Talks about Aryan | 11 Comments

…to know that your mom is in hospital and you cannot go.
…to know that she will have a surgery (minor it may be) the next day and you won’t be around.
…And to have your bratty little kid around (in his terrible Twos) and you close your day with a big speech to him , on how he should be a good boy.
My Prayer on the next day to mother’s day is

God please grant some patience to me , lot of good health to my mom and little wisdom to my son !

 P.S : Mom fell down in bathroom and has got her wrist fractured and is undergoing an operation as I do this post.

P.P.S : Belated Happy Mother’s day to All!

Head to Heart – A Dialogue

July 15, 2008 at 12:26 pm | Posted in Introspection, Rant | 10 Comments

Head:
“Life is full of competition , we need to work hard to stay in competition , upgrade your skills , work hard”
Heart:
“But where is the time , I need to spend time with Aryan and Anupam. I need time to relax
Head:
“You need to find time somehow , don’t give excuses”
Heart:
“But my family is my responsibility. I got married and have a baby and seeing him happy is a priority”
Head:
“Yeah , and that’s why I say work hard to give him a good life , then only he can be happy”
Heart:
“You mean he is not happy now”
Head:
“No I mean , you can make him happier by giving him a better life. And for that you need to work hard and keep your other interests to side.”
Heart:
“Okay , you mean my time with myself , the little time and with husband.”
Head:
“You need to strike a balance and you decide how you do it. Work hard , otherwise you will lag behind your peers”
Heart:
“Balance , I thought I was doing so 😦 Happiness is a state of mind is what everyone says , I think I am happy.”
Head:
“But will you stay happy forever , as of now you are successful but you will not always be called successful if you stay here.”
Heart:
“True , I need to move on and evolve , But I do not know how. I cannot cut my time with family.” Head:
“Then cut your time with yourself , your sleep , your fun”
Heart:
“Fun , what fun ? I don’t go out except with family , I don’t watch TV , No music , only alive hobby is my blog. Sleep , I think I need that, to feel fresh.”
Head:
“If you don’t want to change I cannot do much for you , don’t complain that I never warned you. Look at your friends , they have been working harder”
Heart:
“I don’t really know at what cost but… Well , I understand all what you just said , but you know me , I cannot change so easily , please be my side.”

P.S : Why does it happen with me always. My parents are coming on friday and office will get busier from tomorrow , busier means BUSIER ..and I will have daily calls as well 😦 I may not be able to pick them up from station. I may not be able to take 1/2 day for Aryan’s Birthday also 😦
Why do I always struggle so much for small pleasures , tiny-winy kinds ???? Please let me know , if you know 😦

Just to Inform – I am still alive

June 16, 2008 at 11:58 am | Posted in Day Care, Just Like That, Rant | 10 Comments

Life is busy at office these days , so hardly getting time to read and write 😦 The home PC was also unwell , resumed to life yesterday evening. Didnot even replied to so many comments and mails. Sorry ladies and Gentlemen 😦

Whats the post about ..just some updates and rants 🙂

Weekend was just the usual , with a trip to a mall , buying of veggies , slight back ace , a few fights , cooking favourite dishes, one dine out and playing with Aryan.

Aryan is suffering from cough and cold. I just cannot see him coughing. Blame the weather 😦

These days I get head ache too often, need to discover the reason. Plus my weight is increasing exponentially and trust me I try a lot to control my taste buds. I should try and figure out if all is right with the system. Also , should plan some workout. I am too reluctant for this one except for a 15 mins walk everyday , I don’t really do anything 😦

I need to study as well. Thats one of my oraganizational goal to complete a certification. This is a reminder to myself 🙂

My dilemma for day care / preschool / school and house continues. The current house doesnot suit me. I hate the distance from office and plus the stairs indoors. We should shift. But then we do not know where . Aryan’s day care doesnot have a preschool. So we need a preschool , but our concious doesnot allow us for letting Aryan travel from preschool to day care, he is too small. But at the same time we lack guts to shift his day care. Somehow we trust that place plus Aryan is settled. So these questions are at the back of mind 24/7.

Thats it for the day. Will write more when I have lesser work and more time 🙂

May 11, 2008 at 9:37 am | Posted in Rant | 1 Comment

I am feeling horrible..I want to rant and cry. I want to shout. Dont ask me why. I cannot tell you . Since this blog is not anon.And I do not believe in talking about certain issues of my life to everyone. But still I want to rant. I am feeling incapable for anything and everything. Do not comment on this post , do not sympathize or ask why.

On second thoughts , perhaps i am good for nothing or perhaps i dont know what is my problem , what i want from life and people around or perhaps i am insane and i need a physco…i dont know.

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