Wish it had not rained that night..

May 3, 2019 at 2:29 pm | Posted in Fiction, Poem, Rain, Rant, Society, Women | 1 Comment

It rained that night,
her eyes
her cries
her pain

It rained that night,
her wounds
on her body
on her heart

It rained that night,
with thunder
so deafening
and light
so bright

If only, it did not rain that night
May be someone, would have heard her cries
May be someone, would have seen the monster
who scarred her body
who scarred her soul
May be, May be not
But, but it rained that night

Thirty years down the line
She is scared of rain and thunder and light
Because she can still remember that night
That gross touch
The pain
The plight
And her helpless body in the lonely night

Thirty years down the line,
She is scared of talking about that night
Because she can remember the following day
The hate in words
The mock in the eyes
It was her fault is what they said

She played in the rain
She jumped in the puddles
It was her fault
Because, though its her life,
Girls don’t play with rain at night
Wish it had not rained that night

Pinks and Blues

June 29, 2018 at 8:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What do you do when ..

June 19, 2018 at 1:31 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

..your hands itch to shop and you have already shopped for entire year 😛

I shopped mangoes 😀

Of my memory or lack of it!

June 15, 2018 at 12:52 pm | Posted in Introspection, Memories | Leave a comment

One of my relative is writing a series on facebook, about the life he has lived. This series contains incidents from his early childhood till today. He is over 60 years of age now and I am surprised at the details he remembers.

I must have said it before that I am mighty disappointed at the kind of memory I have. That was one of the primary reasons why I took up blogging, so I do not forget important happenings in life. I am glad I did because when I read my other blog now I realise that I have already forgotten so much about my kids.

I do not remember my childhood in too much detail. When I connected to my school groups on whatsapp, I realized that I cannot put faces to names and names to faces in most cases , with the exception of some really good friends. I do not remember most teachers , seniors and juniors. I do not remember who had crush on whom (except my own ones :P) and who was dating whom. I do not even remember people from my post graduation !!

I do not remember about stuff like which was the first movie I saw in theatre and with whom , when did I first got my hands waxed and what/who was the motivation for it etc. Not that I need to remember any of this. But then these would have formed my bitter sweet memories and when someone talk about theirs , I wish I could have remembered too!

There are certain things that I do remember in detail. Like my first (perhaps only) stage performance, like when I got 7 prizes in a day, like when I saw my parents fighting for first time , like when I got my first periods , like when I fell from rickshaw , like when a boy told the teacher that he would marry me some day (in grade 1), like when I jumped from bus to match to my cool friends and fell.

I do remember all the boys I ever had crush on , even if that lasted for a day 🙂 But I do not remember any stupid things that I might have done at that age to grab their attention.

I remember all the close friends from each school or college , who mattered to me at that time. But I don’t remember all the incidents /moments that I shared with them.

My son remembers a lot more detail about his childhood than I do, of his! My husband remembers more details of our courtship than I do. I read books and then forget that I have read them. I forget the stories too , though while reading them I would think that this story would stay with me forever. But very few of them have lasted with me!.

All the above often makes me wonder if I would develop dementia at old age 😛 If whatever I don’t remember , is too much to be called a disease. Or are there more people like me 😛 I think, I should read up on how memory is formed and why people do or do not remember certain things.

It also make me realize that if I ever write a autobiography, it would be a bland one , with no juicy details, as I am not a person who can remember details. Not that I intend to write one !


June 15, 2018 at 11:16 am | Posted in Poem | Leave a comment

अधूरी सी एक रात में बस चाँद खिला था,
सन्नाटो ने पूछा क्या वो मिला था,
मिलना क्या था उसे जो दिल में बसा था,
रात को क्या मालूम कि वो हमेशा यहीं था ।


उस दिन जब कहां था उसने, कि जाता हूँ मैं,
दिल ने सुना था कि, रुको अभी आता हूं मैं।
फूलों वाला कुर्ता पहन कर अब तक,
उसी मोङ पर खङी हूँ, राह तकते हुए
रास्ता भूल जाने की तो आदत है उसकी,
वादा पर वो नहीं भूला करता।

My Random attempt to hindi poetry !

My baby and the big bad world!

July 5, 2017 at 4:42 pm | Posted in Parenting | 2 Comments

I live in the fastest growing city of India. A city where many come to fulfill their dreams , like we did once. When we came to this city , it was much peaceful and quiet than what it is now. But like I said , it is the fastest growing city.

As a mom of two kids , I shiver every time I hear about a crime. Just last week someone was robbed in our lane. But those crimes are petty. I worry about the more gruesome ones , crime against women , crime against children.

About 4 years back by little daughter started school and in the same year I came to know about sexual abuse in a school with a child of my daughter’s age. I went numb. What am I going to do. These schools are not just another unknown schools. They are branded famous schools , with high level of security. And I learnt that my child is not safe in school. Last year I came to know of sexual abuse in a day care. I always told my friends , day cares are safer than maid/nanny at home as there are multiple eyes on child. But I learnt that my child is not safe in day care. Yesterday I heard that a child was abused while being boarded to school van , in front of female attendant and other children and no one had a clue. Seriously!! My child is not safe in school van with so many other children and a female attendant.

Humans have become predators. And the city has become a jungle. And I am guilty of bringing 2 lives to this jungle. I am incapable of keeping those lives safe yet I brought them to this world.

We tell our children life is beautiful, life is blessing. We teach them to trust and love. We teach them to be independent. We guide them to take decisions.

And yet, we worry about their lives. We worry that they should not trust or love wrong people. We send them to school and to park and constantly worry about their safety.

My daughter has a school trip next week. And as a mother , I am struggling to decide between her safety and her independence. Should I let her go, she will learn to be independent and confident. Should I let her go, in this big bad world , to a place that can be avoided (school is mandatory , field trip is not) ?

When I was a child my mother constantly worried about me. I was not allowed to spend time at my friend’s houses except the ones my mom really trusted and there as well I had a set timeline. I was instructed to come home straight from school/ classes and not spend time chit chatting , because in the not so techy world then, there was no way my mom could track why I was late. At the age of 16 too , I did not fully understood her fears. I felt she was over possessive. Now perhaps I do.

I wish someone could publish a guide on how to keep your baby safe , without being obsessed about child safety. How to let them live their life , while preserving their life. How not to worry about them constantly in this big bad world. How to pick a school , day care , tutor , nanny , bus driver , friend who is human in true sense.

Who said parenting was easy anyway. When a child is born , a mother is born , a mother who is constantly worried about everything in the world but most importantly about her child’s safety.


What do you do when

July 5, 2017 at 4:09 pm | Posted in What do you do when | Leave a comment

You have job, but you don’t feel like working

You have blog, but you don’t feel like blogging

You have kindle, but you don’t feel like reading

You have goals, but you don’t feel like aspiring

Can we just put life to halt for few days and do NOTHING …NOTHING AT ALL ??

What do you do when..

January 24, 2017 at 11:39 pm | Posted in What do you do when | Leave a comment

You know that something is not right but you cannot put a finger in what.

What do you do when .. you find your eyes wet on the day that was supposed to be the happiest and you know that these are not tears of happiness.

What do you do when you see their is a problem while the problem feels that you are the problem.

Sometimes I wonder why !

January 23, 2017 at 12:10 pm | Posted in Poem | Leave a comment

Sometimes I wonder why!
Why do roses grow with thorns,
Why do skys show shades of dark,
Why do birds who touch the sky ,
come to ground to feed them why ?
Sometimes I wonder why !

Some times I wonder why !
Why does moon has a scar,
Why does peacock has feet like that,
Why do you sweat most,
on days that are bright,
Sometimes I wonder why !

Life and death are sides of coin,
Beauty and grace may not be friends,
The things that look perfect are sometimes not,
Hearts have scars that ache and pain,
Smiles do hide them, in several ways,
Sometimes I wonder why!

P.S : This is random work of fiction, all is good in my personal life.

Also , I started my baking tryst in 2016, baby steps though.

Successfully wasted 10 months and 2 more to go..

January 29, 2016 at 2:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

..is a meme that is being shared on whatsapp these days and it reminded me of my 2016 wish list. Did I waste 10 months or can I count a few achievements…

Let’s see..

1. Patience improved..but I still have days when people tell me that I may have high BP.

2. Get more organised..no luck there 😦 Started well but lost the zeal somewhere in Q2.

3. Drinking more water than last year for sure.

4. On a strict exercise regime.. loosing weight slowly and steadily. Long way to go. And more determination needed. 

5. Learn a professional skill..I did get a professional certification. Intended to learn something else too..more determination needed.

6. Start baking…nay.. not even tried..tried my hand in salads though.

7. Do things that give me pleasure , like blogging and reading…Blogging in apps is slightly inconvenient . Bought a kindle for self recently and read a few books , may not be 1 per month but will make up. Learnt to swim…a childhood dream ! And that really gives me pleasure!!

Did I do well? Not really, but sort off?

Edited to add:  I am not sure why the date is shown as 29jan

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