Head to Heart – A Dialogue

July 15, 2008 at 12:26 pm | Posted in Introspection, Rant | 10 Comments

“Life is full of competition , we need to work hard to stay in competition , upgrade your skills , work hard”
“But where is the time , I need to spend time with Aryan and Anupam. I need time to relax
“You need to find time somehow , don’t give excuses”
“But my family is my responsibility. I got married and have a baby and seeing him happy is a priority”
“Yeah , and that’s why I say work hard to give him a good life , then only he can be happy”
“You mean he is not happy now”
“No I mean , you can make him happier by giving him a better life. And for that you need to work hard and keep your other interests to side.”
“Okay , you mean my time with myself , the little time and with husband.”
“You need to strike a balance and you decide how you do it. Work hard , otherwise you will lag behind your peers”
“Balance , I thought I was doing so 😦 Happiness is a state of mind is what everyone says , I think I am happy.”
“But will you stay happy forever , as of now you are successful but you will not always be called successful if you stay here.”
“True , I need to move on and evolve , But I do not know how. I cannot cut my time with family.” Head:
“Then cut your time with yourself , your sleep , your fun”
“Fun , what fun ? I don’t go out except with family , I don’t watch TV , No music , only alive hobby is my blog. Sleep , I think I need that, to feel fresh.”
“If you don’t want to change I cannot do much for you , don’t complain that I never warned you. Look at your friends , they have been working harder”
“I don’t really know at what cost but… Well , I understand all what you just said , but you know me , I cannot change so easily , please be my side.”

P.S : Why does it happen with me always. My parents are coming on friday and office will get busier from tomorrow , busier means BUSIER ..and I will have daily calls as well 😦 I may not be able to pick them up from station. I may not be able to take 1/2 day for Aryan’s Birthday also 😦
Why do I always struggle so much for small pleasures , tiny-winy kinds ???? Please let me know , if you know 😦



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  1. awwww! hugs to you woman!

    everyones eternal striuggle at the end of the day!

    i have come to terms with the fact thst i am not ambitions and it suits me fine. yes, at times i feel bad that i could have done better! but i like my life the way it is now.

    and if i were you, i would still bunk work on Aryan’s birthday! i mean company will keep working even if you dont turn up!

    but then its just my heart talking! my head ALWAYS has to take a back seat! 😦



  2. Oh Swati
    I dont know what to say. I hear you loud and clear. My head and heart are perpetually fighting with each other.
    Sometimes we need to make tough decisions. If possible, why dont you talk to your manager/boss and take the day off on Aryans bday atleast. Work extra on other days.
    And dont worry, the struggle is on for most of us.
    This will pass too! Cheer up 🙂 Hugs to you!

  3. awww hugs sweety. we all go through spurts of days of feeling like this – hope your Busy at work days ends before little Aryan’s big day. Can you check with ur peers on if they can pitch in and help as a favor?

  4. i can truely see where you are coming from. i too have been having these conversations in my head and i stopped pouring them into hubby to spare him my sorry state. this is a valid dilemma that every ambitious woman with a career faces today (me included). most people would suggest that we should hide our head in the sand and forget about it. while this will postpone the dilemma but will most likely return it with an even greater sense of guilt and regret later on.

    my solution: two part approach – first, work like nuts for a few years and get to the stage where i call the shots; and second, pace my life at my will thereafter. while still in the first leg, i am having a tough time facing brick-bats at home for working those long hours. also, nothing could have prepared me for the worsening it does to near-perfect relationships at home. trust me. even my indian-american boss gets it from his indian-american wife but guys learn to either ignore their nagging wives or fool them into a happy world of goodies – “why should she complain afterall i am gifting her expensive stuff from Tiffany’s” – or a combination of both.

    but how do we answer a child searching eyes when we aren’t around? Even though i am not answering this question right now, but i know i too will have to and soon enough. oh boy…

  5. Wonderful post Swati!

    This is the conversation that goes around in every single working woman or rather working Mom’s head!

    It has happened with me also when I plan for some relaxed time with family, that is THE time when work gets the busiest.

    About taking off on Aryan’s birthday, can’t you tell your boss that you have something planned for that day and if things can be shuffled around a bit. Coz if you talk to him there may be a chance that things might work out. If you don’t there won’t be any chance at all!

    All the best!

  6. Awww Swati, I feel for you. I know how much you have been looking forward to your parents visit and Aryan’s birthday and it must be so frustrating to have things get busy at work.
    I don’t know the dynamics at your work place but why don’t you still try to take off on Aryan’s birthday? That way you will feel a lot better. Think about it.

  7. Relax dear..This is the state of mind of every single working mom…Somehow tell you boss that you need to take leave on Aryan’s birthday and and as K3 said tell your peers to picth in..If not..take medical leave..Keep you pirorities set..We can’t do everything in one go….
    Because of these things only I dropped my whole Idea of further studies….

  8. Paapi pet ka sawaal!
    Sab thik ho jayega!

  9. Sigh-Sometimes being a woman (and especially a mother) puts you in Catch22 situation, isn’t it? The fight between head and heart started for me the day I got complications in my pregnancy, and thus had to leave work in just third month, and it continues ever since… The mind says that it is high time that I return back to work, but the heart says otherwise.. You are responsible to both your family and office, and it is a real pity that there has to be a priority assigned to them 😦
    Anyways, all the best lady! I hope that you come out of all this smiling and without any regrets!

  10. Aww hugs Swati…relax and take each day as it comes.
    BTW,Mom -dad aa gaye?

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