Every Mom’s battle..

April 16, 2007 at 12:39 pm | Posted in Day Care, Introspection | 4 Comments

Career or kids..Every Mom’s battle..A lot and lot has been debated over the topic and a lot can still be debated and still I am not sure if we can come to a conclusion.The topic is neither new nor is it related to current generation.But its much of a debate for me because here the question is not only “if I should work or I should not” ..but more that “if I should” then how ?

The traditional “if I should or if I should not” debate was always there and I decided that I will try and work as long as I can, for many reasons.

First, I feel working gives me a sense of satisfaction.Being a home maker 24/7 is probably not my cup of tea. I believe that working ladies can also be home maker.Though ofcourse they may not be able to dust the carpets every day , they will still be able to pack lunch for their kids and serve dinner to their husbands.I feel I need some satisfaction at the end of the day which comes when I am working.I feel loving and taking care of your family comes so naturally to any woman that it hardly matters if she works or she does not.

Second, definitely I can bring a better living to my kids. Though their future is secure otherwise also , my little effort will definitely give it an extra push.

Another reason is I have realized that after few years our kid will not need us as much as they need us today. As soon as they go to school they will be busy. In their early teens they will have studies , friends and loads of other activities to keep them busy.They will need their own privacy. So they will no longer want you around 24/7 and you will start feeling empty and lonely with everyone busy in their own worlds.All you will end up will be watching 6-8 daily soaps a day.Plus you will be surprised , shocked and hurt when your 10 year old will come and tell you ,”Mom ..my teacher asked me what does your mom do ? And I said “nothing”. Why don’t you go to office like Prateek’s and Ritesh’s moms ?” I have observed that even kids feel a sense of pride in telling that their moms are working.

Though I have decided to work , I still have my set of dilemmas and questions ..like how will I cope up with work pressures and daily chores? How will I manage to be happy and fresh in front of my kids even after a day’s work? How will I make them understand that I may need to go to office on coming saturday and we have to postpone a picnic? How will I compete with my male counterparts in office and do justice to my job when I will have a different priority? There are a hundred such questions and I know only time will find answer to these.

Today I need to find answer to another question ..How do I work ?
If your parents are around you , you need not worry about taking care of your kids when you are at work.You can just hire a domestic help and parents can take care the rest. But the problem comes, when you stay in a different city away from parents. In an alien metro, you don’t feel comfortable leaving your new born with an unknown maid.Will she sleep when he needs milk or when he is crying ..will she run away locking your kid behind..will your kid learn abusive language from her..are few of the many reasons that prevent me from thinking about leaving my kid with a maid.

The other and only option I am left with is a Day Care/Creche for babies.But to my own surprise I am not able to find any satisfactory kinds even in a place like Bangalore ..where we suppose we have a good percentage of working women compared to other cities in India.Though our parents are most welcome at our place ,I cannot expect them to sacrifice their work and their lives forever for letting me work.I feel guilty about this.If I quit work today and decide to work after 3-5 years when my kids are school going and they can go to an after school day care (where I suppose we have some better options) , then will I be able to find a job. Being in knowledge industry ..I dont think it will be possible. Even if I can (which is next to impossible)..I will be far far behind my couter parts.

With so many women in IT ..I can find many of my friends are struggling with the same BIG question and many of them have chosen to giveup inspite of a strong desire for work.
I am still not sure where will I end up ..probably in a different profession is what comes to my mind ..but then, I will have another set of questions there.



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  1. We (myself and DH) had been through this same dilemma before we decided to have a baby. Yes that early! But then desire to be parents took over and we decided “Jo hoga dekha jayega! We can never plan too much ahead for the future!” Like the song went “K Cera Cera! Whatever will be….will be!”

    Same is the thought when me and DH think of having a second child!

    So enjoy it till you can! When you will stop enjoying or start disliking what you are doing you yourself will take a decision to change it!

  2. Dear Swati,

    I cannot tell you how happy I am to come across your blog. I want to work too, and very soon, we will have a child in our life. For me, too, it is not a question of “if” I should work but rather “how”. The lack of good daycares in Bangalore is a HUGE HUGE issue for me. I have no parents/parent-in-laws to look after the soon-to-be-in-our-life kid. And, leaving the child to a nanny unsupervised is not an option.

    PLEASE don’t stop blogging. Do tell us more as to how day care is working out for your child. I can learn so much from you, because I intend to use the daycare (the only option available for me) as well.


  3. Hi Reema , Good to know that there are people who think like me. Things have been working for me till now atleast. Touch wood. My MIL stayed with us for an year. After which I have put him to a day care. Life is little tough ..but not bad. All the best to you!

  4. Eternal debate and it pisses me off that women are always making the choice ( but I’m sure it pisses men off that they don’t have the choice to make). Anyway – my 2 cents is – yes, there are some women who won’t be happy not working ( like me). So the solution – let go of the ‘fluff’ – like whether every little corner in the house is dust free or whether the home looks pristine. If need be, dump even the cooking, so you can free up as much of your time for the kids as possible. And keep checking in on your childcare option – surprise visits et al.

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