Working where your husband , father or brother works ?

September 1, 2009 at 4:32 pm | Posted in Introspection | 37 Comments

Whats your take about working in the same company where your husband , father or brother works ?

I had a debate about the same with a colleague at lunch.My take is I don’t ever want to work in the same company for which my husband , father or brother work. And its not about men , I did not mention sister and mom because I don’t have a sister and my mom is a home maker.

I have atleast 4 reasons, though you may choose to disregard all of those like she did.

One is a simple and practical reason , if me and hubby are in same company and if the company crashes both of us will be in soup. Though this is a very pessismistic thought ..its a valid one.

Another and more important reason (atleast to me). I do not want to live like a shadow or be a shadow to someone. I want my individuality.

I graduated from a college where my father was a teacher. I was not considered “Swati” there but as “his daughter”. I was a kid to his colleagues and a “teachers daughter” to my classmates.Today I do not have any friends from graduation. And thats not my fault , since I have friends from school and from Post Graduation. But for 3 years of my graduation, I could not win any friends , except the ones that came over with me from school , since no one ever considered me a part of their life.

After my post graduation my father asked me to join his college as a faculty and I told him that I would prefer to stay at home than do that. I told him , I want to work because I want to known by who I am. I do not want to be known just by my surname. I am not sure if he got what I told , perhaps he might have thought I want independence..but frankly it was not at all about independence, I just did not want to be a kid all my life. And so I joined a different profession with my parents consent ofcourse.

Same applies to (atleast to some extent) with having husband / brother/ sister / any close relative as my colleague. I don’t want people to think I am like them , not because they are good or bad , but because they are different.

Also because I don’t want them to advice me with what I do I work , how I walk/talk/behave at work. I share every bit of my work life with my husband. He is such a good listener that he remembers every bit of it. He shares and advices also ..when I need it..yeah when I need it.He knows the things as I put them , he doesnot have his own prejudices attached to the people I talk about. So his opinion is fair and not biased by his personal prejudices.

Third is because I need a break. We all do. Life is not just me and my family
, its beyond that. And I wish to experience that too. I want a life outside my house…not as literally though as it sounds. And I do not really know how to explain this also πŸ˜›

And last but not the least , I do not want to bring office to home and take home to office. I wish to keep prfessional and personal lives seperate. I cannot imagine fighting over an office issue or person in my living room or bedroom πŸ˜‰

———

My colleague though said that she doesnot mind working around close family members. She would rather like a guidance and support round the clock. She would not mind taking benefits of his contacts and she would love a daily pick and drop to office.

——–

My take on her views : We are different in so many ways πŸ™‚ May she get a life partner in this company only πŸ˜€
————-
You are on which side ?

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37 Comments »

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  1. Mmmm … I really need to think abt it! Though am sure it may never happen bcoz we work in domains as opp. as NP n SP πŸ˜‰

    I liked the way u hv explained those 4 points though!

    One thing even I feel is everyone needs to hv something diff from routine life n so it helps to have a diff atmosphere than working with our own ppl! Also, we get to talk abt diff parties, outings, people then πŸ˜›

    • Ohh yes Swaram..You have explained my point no 3 better than I did πŸ˜€ Thanks

  2. As a salaried professional, I am with you. Your colleague sounds like a person with very little backbone and very little resources at her disposal. 10 years ago, i would have called her a parasite without thinking twice…. now i will think once before that πŸ™‚

    Having said that, when i start my own company i would prefer to have people whose experienced judgment i can trust (Brother, Father, Husband). At the same time i will also ensure that the decision outcomes remain independent of individual influence (inside/ outside of the family).

    Suppose, you (and the-then college friends) joined the graduate college at your current age and maturity. Wouldn’t you have acted differently towards the un-solicited alienation? Wouldn’t those same college friends acted differently towards your individuality?

    The more i think about these questions i only come to one conclusion – All through our lives, 90% of our circumstances will be out of our control and “How we choose to react” to them will make all the difference.

    Love,
    Manasi

    • Ohh yes , its different if you are an enterpernur , since like you said then you need trusted individuals to make it a success.

      May be me and my college friends would have behaved differently but it was not only about age , my dad’s colleagues(matured and aged) were my teachers but I never shared a teacher kind of relationship with them , they behaved like Uncles to me. You might say I should have felt privedleged and ofcourse I did , but then I missed something ..didn’t I ?

      True that things are never in our control , this is a hypothetical debate anyways , but I just wanted to know if given a choice what would people usually do , or is it just me πŸ™‚

  3. Me and K worked together in the same company, till I quit last year.
    Now that we are in different companies, I want to keep it this way! πŸ™‚
    Didn’t have any issues when we were working together though because the departments, projects were always different.

    • Yay Pixie , since you have seen 2 sides of coins , your opinion really mattered πŸ˜€ thanks for being on my side πŸ˜€

      • Hi,

        I am a reporter for Marie Claire Magazine. We are doing a story about married couples that met at work and are still happily married. I found some information regarding this subject on the blog and would love to get some information from you. First off, are you interested? Your story could be included in the article, which would be a cool little experience. If you are, I have a couple of questions:

        -What are you and your husband’s ages?
        -What kind of company did you work for when you met? (You don’t have to be specific, just general idea.)
        -Do you or your husband still work there?
        -Can you send me a picture?
        -Do you have any friends who met at work and are still together?

        I can be contacted at lacymorris@hearst.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks so much!

        Take care,

        Lacy Morris
        Editorial Assistant
        Marie Claire
        Hearst Magazines
        300 West 57th Street
        New York, NY 10019

  4. I am with you on this. Myself and my twin sis were in the same school, class and even bench till the 12th std and we never ever formed an individual identity. I discovered myself only when we went to different colleges (in different places) for engineering.
    In the family though it took a longer time. We were considered a single entity till we got married πŸ™‚

    • Thanks COS ! With twins it would have been far more difficult na. Me and my brother were in same school but I never felt anything because he was younger. I am sure he might have , since I remember teachers to have an impression of him baised on me. “Swati’s Brother ” should be like Swati in some ways.But I do not know if that affected him really , since we were kids and did not think too much that that age. Though I remember that he refrained to take my help in his homework and studies(inspite of mom telling him) and wanted to do all on his own or with mom’s help. That might have been due to this without slf realization.

  5. There was a similar post by a fellow blogger and my answer is same as yours. I would like to keep the work space separate from family.

    • Yay ! Thanks!

  6. I was on your colleagues side earlier as me & hubby were working together. Even if we were in one comp, we never used to meet each other during the day! But support feeling was there for sure with me.

    Now we are in diff companies and I realized that I’m enjoying it & prefer this than working together. Since my hubby was holding big position in comp, I was his wife in the company than me!!
    I am with you for sure 

    • Yeah it ofcourse has benefits that she suggested but they are not worth it πŸ™‚ Thanks !

      • I am a reporter for Marie Claire Magazine. We are doing a story about married couples that met at work and are still happily married. I found some information regarding this subject on the blog and would love to get some information from you. First off, are you interested? Your story could be included in the article, which would be a cool little experience. If you are, I have a couple of questions:

        -What are you and your husband’s ages?
        -What kind of company did you work for when you met? (You don’t have to be specific, just general idea.)
        -Do you or your husband still work there?
        -Can you send me a picture?
        -Do you have any friends who met at work and are still together?

        I can be contacted at lacymorris@hearst.com. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks so much!

        Take care,

        Lacy Morris
        Editorial Assistant
        Marie Claire
        Hearst Magazines
        300 West 57th Street
        New York, NY 10019

  7. Yes…you are 100% right in what your expressed. We need different set of people not the same one…
    I always think I should be a teacher in aryan’s school, but later on these thoughts only came…he can never be independent and will get a tag of teacher’s son….
    Aryan’s Mom

    • Never do that AM ..you wont even know and you will harm his confidence. He will learn to look at you for silly problems that other kids won’t take to their moms also.

      • Yes..you provoked me to thinnk more. I was little confused and wanted to be ateacher there…but now..when I think more..I am getting more clarity….Thanks yaar…

        You are anyday welcome !

  8. With you ofcourse and as someone pointed out, if it was my own company then I would want the hubby with me, but otherwise a strong No No. I think my male colleagues will think twice before interacting with me freely if my hubby is around ! Silly reason no?

    • LOL ..lets make it 5 reasons instead of 4 ..its a valid one ofcourse πŸ™‚

  9. wonderful post on a very thought provoking topic.
    I am working in the same company as my hubby though projects are totally different and even the lines. I am into software while he is into engineering. but yes i can relate to what you have written. That of being in shadow. I personally would want to join elsewhere but there are certain constraints holding me here.

    • But since you are in totally different lines it may not matter that much for you since you would hardly interact people in his domain and vice versa. And you might be in different (physical) offices too

    • Hi,

      I am a reporter for Marie Claire Magazine. We are doing a story about married couples that met at work and are still happily married. I found some information regarding this subject on the blog and would love to get some information from you. First off, are you interested? Your story could be included in the article, which would be a cool little experience. If you are, I have a couple of questions:

      -What are you and your husband’s ages?
      -What kind of company did you work for when you met? (You don’t have to be specific, just general idea.)
      -Do you or your husband still work there?
      -Can you send me a picture?
      -Do you have any friends who met at work and are still together?

      I can be contacted at lacymorris@hearst.com. Thanks so much!

      Take care,

      Lacy Morris
      Editorial Assistant
      Marie Claire
      Hearst Magazines
      300 West 57th Street
      New York, NY 10019

  10. oh well! frankly i dunno! but independent would be better! rather than being worried about being in the others shadow, i would be more worried about too much of a good thing! hehe!

    cheers!

    • hehhe πŸ™‚

  11. I completely agree with you.
    Me and my hubby works in same company. My hubby joined it 8 yrs back and I joined it 1.5 yrs back so he has already established himself to root levels in company long before I joined. We both have different profiles. Even though we both work as colleagues only, the environment and people over here somehow correlate us. Some are so vella that they keep a constant eye on wht we are doing and they corelate both even though it was just a mere coincidence and they get a topic for gossips.Moreover, its a problem when we have to take offs. Then Individuality and being a shadow of someone also comes into picture. In all respects its a big NO to work at same place. Because of some circumstances we were nt able to move to some other place but now we both are trying… whosoever gets first will be luckier πŸ™‚

    • Ohh yes J , I so much wanted your view here πŸ™‚ So I am not so wrong is what I feel now. Else I felt may be I feel that way.

  12. hey.. where did my comment go?

    • How do we know πŸ™‚ Please comment again !

  13. Your posts are so informative and thoughtprovoking.

    I’ve given you an award. Please collect the Honest Award by visiting my blog.

    Congrats, and keep writing wonderful posts with lovely pics.

    • Thanks a ton !

  14. I’m on your side! Didn’t think about point 1 – now I see hoe valid it is though …what with the recession.. the second point – never had that experience…but understand what you mean. Reasons 3 and 4 – absolutely my reasons too…

  15. oh that is not really an option for me but even if it was, personally I would like to keep it different..

    it does give us much needed breathing space in marriage

    • true πŸ™‚

  16. I agree with all your points! I had written about this too –

    http://wordsndreamz.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/partners-for-life-and-work/

    But you have analysed it so very well! In so many ways – I prefer not to work with my husband. I think I need the space and the independence that working somewhere else gives! Loved the way you wrote it!

    • Thats so well written Smitha

  17. Completely agree with you!! Imagine having to see your husband even at work! Naaahhhhh!! I guess a little bit of distance always helps a relationship…. and too much of proximity cant be good! πŸ™‚

    • very true


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